Why Is It So Hard to Meet Crossdressers?

By Rebecca Lynn

I struggled with that question for years and years as I began to evolve as a crossdresser and a sissy. I would Google every search term possible, hoping for that elusive perfect site where I could be myself and meet others like me.

But, alas, I never found it. I found lots of sites that made it look like they were designed for gurls like me, and I found larger fetish sites that were focused on overall kink and tangentially touched upon mine… but finding the holy grail never happened for me.

As I explored all of the other sites out there, I came to four conclusions:

1. CDs, sissies, and panty boys are ripe targets for scammers.

I know how that sounds, but unfortunately, it’s true. There is a lot of deep psychology in an evolving CD and there are sites that try to exploit that for their own financial gain. For example, like many CDs, when I started down this path I yearned for a real woman to help me embrace this about myself, so I would search out dominant women who would “force me” to feminize and essentially give me permission to be a gurl. I found specialized dating sites that appeared to be perfect for us gurls… but also found them populated with thousands of fake profiles, and my inbox filled with bot-generated messages. Some sites are taken over by “online” dommes seeking to leverage your needs and desires to extort money from you in many different forms.

Don’t get me wrong—there are also some legitimate sites out there that are smaller in scope and provide limited functionality, and there are legitimate Dommes who help us to fulfill our feminine potential. Ms. Ava is one of those women. She has made it her goal to foster that feminine instinct in men and to help them release their feminine energy.

2. We are misunderstood and marginalized by the “lifestyle.”

I was asked once by a woman who I’d just started dating if I was part of “the lifestyle.” This was before she knew about my dressing, but she knew that I was a bit kinky 😊 . Although I knew what she was talking about, I asked her “which lifestyle” because as a CD I didn’t feel like I was welcomed in the lifestyle she was referring to…the swinger lifestyle. As our relationship progressed, I shared more about my dressing and, more importantly, about my…how to say it…openness to men and women. In the “lifestyle,” being a CD and/or a male bisexual isn’t widely accepted.

Unfortunately, the swinging community, and to a lesser degree the kink community, don’t cater to CDs or even bisexual or bi-curious men. People like us are found on the fringes, if they’re visible at all. Although I know some swingers who have experienced male bisexuality, it isn’t widely accepted in that lifestyle and so is usually kept quiet. Yet female bisexuality is encouraged among swingers and is sometimes the prime focus. Does this make sense to you?

You’d also think that a sexy CD could mix right in and be one of the girls….but nooooo. 😊

3. We’re out of place within the trans community.

The transgender community and movement have made enormous strides toward the rights of trans people over the last couple of years. CDs may not feel part of that group because we’re just guys who love to explore our femininity and to dress and/or play as women occasionally. For the most part, we’re not struggling with the gender identity issues that our trans friends must navigate. This is a sweeping generalization, of course, and I’ve known CDs who began identifying more as transgender as they evolved, so please don’t flame me because I made that statement 😊 . It’s a spectrum, a mosaic, with no clear edges or even definitions. My point is that crossdressers are generally happy being male. As such, we don’t quite feel at home on trans dating sites.

CoQ is a place where CDs and all transfeminine people can feel accepted, respected, and desired.

4. Hookup apps aren’t for everyone.

There are lots of apps out there that facilitate quick hookups between horny people. I will admit that I’ve spent a fair amount of time on Grindr and had very pleasurable experiences from it. But it’s not for everybody. While some of us enjoy being sluts, others just want to have a gurl or guy to talk to or possibly form a relationship with. Hookup apps are not good at fostering that kind of environment.

So, CDs are in a funny position. We’re not fully accepted by the swingers community…we feel out of place in the trans community…when we’re kinky, we’re just a subset of all of the larger fetish sites that are out there…we’re vulnerable to scammers…and many are looking for something more than a hookup. Add all of those things together, and it’s no wonder why meeting others with like-minded intent in a secure environment has been so difficult.

In a nutshell, that’s why I teamed with Ms. Ava to create Circle of Q. I know there are hundreds of thousands of us out there, secretly dressing while our wives are away…or if you’re lucky, your partner accepts or even encourages your dressing. Or if you’re really lucky, like me, you’re divorced and have new freedom to fully explore your CD or sissy obsession. Regardless of your circumstances, you probably long to find others like yourself to chat with, trade secrets with, or even meet to fully explore your hidden desires.

Originally published on CircleofQ.com 12-18-2020 

Rebecca Lynn (aka Sissy Becca) was a cofounder of the original Circle of Q. Learn more.

Update 5-5-22: Sissy Becca has met and permanently partnered with a wonderful, loving ciswoman who actively supports and appreciates Becca’s femme side. It’s not just a happy ending… it’s an even happier beginning!