Maybe you caught him, or maybe he told you. You may have been married for decades, or on a first date. Regardless…the moment you learn your man crossdresses,¹ it’ll shake you.  Once you get past the shock,  though, you may learn that you’ve received a gift that can make your life and relationship amazing.

My cross-dressing clients talk to me about you–their wives, girlfriends, and dating prospects–a lot. About how much they love you, or want to love you…and how much they fear you’d be threatened, hysterical, judgmental, or shut down if you found out…that you’d never understand. They confide in me the pain of keeping this secret from you, often for decades, rooted in fear of losing your love and respect. Single guys want to know when to tell a new girlfriend, or wonder if they can purge and repress it for a lifetime once they “find the right girl.” (That answer seems to be NO.) 

And what is his sin? That he likes feeling the texture of silk and lace against his skin? That he sometimes enjoys dropping the burden of masculinity to play in a sandbox of soft, colorful fantasy? That this is how he loves to escape the stresses and harshness of everyday life, if only momentarily?

I’m not here to tell you WHY he likes it… you can find plenty on that from people more qualified than I. But I am telling you that there are potential benefits to having this kind of partner. Even if it doesn’t stoke your erotic fire, it can still be playful and fun—and it’s a powerful bonding mechanism. If you’re broad-minded enough to adjust your thinking and attitudes, the crossdresser in front of you can be a dream mate.

So… the bomb has dropped. He wears panties and more. He’s kept this secret for years. Nobody chooses this; it’s in his wiring, no matter how it got there. And if he trusted you enough to tell you, that’s a special spot, my friend.

So before shutting down or heading for the door, consider the benefits you’d be rejecting. Some are practical, some more profound:

The Practical

1. Best dress-up doll ever.

Even if you weren’t into fashion dolls as a kid, glamming up an adult man is a whole new world of fun. Lighten up, play, and forget about gender roles… doll him up and see what you can create!

Life is about making memories. I promise, you’ll always remember the experience of turning your laid-back Bill the Accountant into Babette the Coquette. So will he. Fondly. In vivid detail. Forever.

2. Clothes and lingerie shopping.

Love it? Hate it? You win either way. He secretly adores it when in femme mode, and is an enthusiastic companion if you include him in your shopping adventures, especially if he can wear panties under his trousers. Do you find shopping too tedious or time-consuming? With guidance, he can become your own personal shopper—just let him buy some pretties of his own.

3. Housework.

Let him wear something girly and show some playful appreciation, and a submissive-type CD will do more housework, with increased enthusiasm. Why? Because he gets to do “female stuff,”3 and it makes you happy. Ditto for developing new talents: sewing, cooking, massages, serving you breakfast in bed. All you have to do is ask, with intermittent positive reinforcement. Seriously.

4. You’re in charge of sex.

You’re not bisexual, you say? You only want a manly man in bed? That’s okay! Your erotic preferences are as important as his. If you don’t enjoy his crossdressing in your sex life, he won’t push it. But remember that he deserves opportunities to enjoy this part of himself, erotically and otherwise. It’s unfair to deny him that. Find compromises that work for you both.

But if you can open your mind to this part of him in the bedroom, even sometimes, you have much to look forward to. While many CDs have staid exteriors, they become playful, imaginative, creative lovers when set free—and they’re more turned on by giving you pleasure than receiving it. Really.

It’s easy to tap into his innate desire to please you—just tell him what you want. A hard, dominant masculine fuck? A soft, sensual evening of pampering and worship? Wine, Netflix, and a foot massage? You can have it. A sissy is wired to make you happy, but the electricity comes from your participation. Put him in panties at appropriate times and be clear about what will make you happy. You’ll see.

The Profound

5. They can be more loyal.

When he looks at another woman, he’s more often studying her wardrobe and mannerisms than wondering what she’d look like naked (but he’s still a straight or bi man, so  don’t expect that to completely escape his mind). If he’s looking at you, it’s with increased devotion because he realizes how lucky he is. He knows that he won’t get this support from most women. The very fact that you accept this deeply personal need of his can commit him to you for life.

6. It can help keep your relationship off autopilot.

Gender play brings a fun new element into your dynamic as a couple, no matter how long you’ve been together. A crossdressing partner introduces a smorgasbord of things you can explore and do together, within your mutual tastes and boundaries: clothes, lingerie, makeup, outings, remote control toys, domestic and sexual service, role play, Femdom fantasies… you might even be drawn to more intense practices such as orgasm control, chastity, strap-on play, BDSM, or cuckoldry. It’s easier to maintain a playful spirit with so many creative ways to delight and surprise each other.

7. It increases intimacy and devotion.

After sharing his most intimate desires with you and experiencing the joy that your acceptance brings, a CD or sissy is capable of emotional depth that he would never reveal to less accepting partners. You’ll find him more attentive than most men.

Your enjoyment of his femme side liberates the softer parts of his nature that are repressed in daily life. When he dresses, he wants to show how caring he is…he wants to see things from a “female point of view”3…he wants to be your girlfriend. You’ll be surprised by how sensitive, nurturing, and sensual he’ll become.

8. You can inspire others.

If you choose to go out in public together en femme, people will look. So what? Assuming you’re both well mannered and dressed appropriately (e.g., no stripper shoes or visible lingerie at a family restaurant), those brief glances and occasional stares are typically rooted in curiosity or garden-variety discomfort with the unfamiliar, not direct hostility. Consider that you’re helping to open minds to all forms of “differentness.” Being secure in who you are, and in whom you love, silently inspires others who may be hiding their own secrets.

9. You become stronger in your own identity and your relationship.

Being in a relationship with a crossdresser provides an opportunity to examine what gender, relationships, sex, and love mean to you. You can check your capacity to accept things you don’t yet understand, and get clearer on what you value in your partner. Whether he’s disclosed his secret himself or you’ve discovered it on your own, his soul has been bared to you. The resulting growth and self-awareness, individually and as a couple, are priceless.

***

Remember, he’s still a man. He still wants to protect and care for you.  You can still be on his arm in public. People will admire you as a couple—perhaps with some envy at how connected and playful you seem to be. Nobody else has to know about his secret desires. You do…and that means the world to him.

Give him the magnificent gift of loving all of him. Not just the parts you cherry pick. You’re likely to get the same in return.

If you can’t find you can’t do that–if it’s just too much of a personal stretch–then be kind. Don’t shame or try to “fix” him. Let him go. Find someone whom you can love completely, and let him find someone who can give him the same.

If you think (or know) your man cross-dresses, send him a link to this article… or better yet, print it and leave it for him to find.

Maybe with a tube of lipstick and some new panties.

It’ll be a love letter that drops him to his knees.

***

1 This article is about crossdressers, not transwomen, although some of the benefits are similar. I’m talking about men who identify as male and dress in feminine attire for relaxation, escape, or erotic pleasure.

2 Sissies are a special subset of crossdressers. In my world, it’s a term of endearment, not an insult. I use the terms interchangeably in this article because “sissy” is fun to say, and they absolutely love hearing that word. It’s like verbal candy sprinkles to a sissy. Sissy. Sissy. Sissy.

3 Yes, I know. Don’t flame me about gender stereotypes. This refers to a “female point of view” as the CD perceives it—which is usually firmly within the stereotype.